By Ignite Excellence

“The important thing is to never stop asking questions.” – Albert Einstein

Two-way communication requires that both parties be able to ask and answer questions. The game “broken telephone” can be an enlightening exercise in just how the simplest of messages can get bungled without natural back-and-forth.

From a process-efficiency point of view – no matter what the process – better information yields better results. So, how can a team leader foster the trust of employees to elicit the information that he or she needs? The instinct to “ask until you understand” is a good one; take note of pitfalls that can arise from interpersonal relationships and how the questions are asked… or not asked.

Scenario #1: “Why are you asking so many questions?”

I was working with a lawyer recently who mentioned that sometimes people appear uncomfortable when she asks them questions. As a non-lawyer, I can completely understand this reaction. Doctors may feel the same tension when, during a routine physical, they ask a patient about his alcohol consumption. The role of the person asking questions will have a great effect on how honestly and readily people answer.

Team leaders, bosses and managers should be well aware that the employer/employee dynamic provides a number of reasons that an employee will not answer questions 100 percent truthfully and completely. This is not to suggest that employees would lie, but they may hesitate to reveal some information. This will be especially true if the employee questions the motive for the keen interest.

As a practice, we listen better when the person prepares us for the message. Recall how people need to be readied for messages according to their different communication styles. This may involve proactively explaining why we are asking.

Scenario #2: “What do you mean by that?”

There are few things that change the dynamic of a conversation more than the phrase, “What do you mean by that?” When talking to people whose degree of trust is low, increased care should be taken in asking questions. The same can be said for all communications in a low-trust environment.

On the surface, “how” questions can seem – and often are – innocent, but semantically they beg assessment and judgement, and consequently may make people reluctant to share. I was conducting interviews with various members of senior management for one of our clients. One VP had just returned from a site visit to a plant. As an attempt at small talk, walking to his office, I asked, “So how was it at ABC plant?” The response was 90 seconds of silence until we reached his office. Once the door was closed, I was the unhappy recipient of, “What did you mean by that?”

Be keenly aware of the degree of trust in your relationship when using certain kinds of questions of people.

Scenario #3 – “Why?”

The problem with “Why?” is that it forces us to verbalize our decisions. As change agents, we really need to understand the decision process for the people that we are trying to influence, but delving into it successfully may demand that a strong rapport exist; otherwise, questions may not be well received. It's also important that people understand that asking in this context is not prying.

If we want to know why someone is not following a process, we could ask, “Why are you not following the process by doing A and then B?” Stated this way, however, the question may result in a high level of tension between the parties.

Compare with this approach:

Boss: “I’ve noticed that you are going straight to B, rather than doing A first.”
Employee: “Yeah. I come back and do A if needed, but most of the time it works without doing A at all.”

Depending on the definition of “works,” this may be an opportunity to eliminate an unnecessary step. Importantly, this interchange provides insight into the “why” without requiring that it be explicitly asked. Note: tone and rapport will dictate to a great degree one's ability to get quality/honest responses.

In Summary

In short, ask and learn, but be aware that a number of things can dictate how freely the information flows back and forth, even with really good questions. The best chance at good information flow comes when there is a true dialogue, and when there is a degree of rapport that allows people to be honest. When honest information is flowing, we have a much better chance of understanding people’s reasoning. This can help us in shaping processes and behaviours accordingly.